New Innovative ETFs that Investors Really Really Need

Sure, there are lots of ETFs and more weird and wonderful concoctions seem to come out every day. Think the financial industry is running out of ideas for ETFs to appeal to every possible interest? Just in case, here are my suggestions for innovative ETFs that could hit the sweet spot for investors.

1. Darwin's Centenarians - "Survival of the Fittest" is the theme of this ETF. Darwin told us that merely surviving is the definition of being fitter. If a company has survived 100 years or more, it has to be fit, right? Twelve Ultimate Buy and Hold Canadian Stocks lists the Canadian stocks to include. Wikipedia's List of oldest companies tells us that no less than 21,666 companies worldwide are centenarians or better exist. That choice is good because diversification through holding a basket of many companies is still required. Age does not guarantee survival - witness the demise in 2006 of Kongo Gumi the oldest continually operating independent company that had been operating for 1400 years. It was a victim of, you guessed it, too much debt.
2. Random Dartboard - We've all read that randomly throwing darts at a dartboard to select stocks works just as well as the average active mutual fund manager. So let's have that fund, please. In order to remove any human bias, and to give the fund a marketing handle, the fund management will consist of chimp Sammy Stockpicker (photo below) along with a human handler. Another advantage - the MER will be peanuts. . This will also help restore a bit of balance in markets, as apparently mathematicians like the one below are taking over trading in markets according to BBC's Quant Trading: How mathematicians rule the markets.
3. High-Yield Sovereign Debt ETF - Nicknamed the "Merkel Put Fund" in honour of the German leader who will be backed into "bailing out" Greece (i.e. having German taxpayers paying for Greek non-taxpayers), this fund will hold the debt of various countries with dubious ability to repay. There are already high yield corporate bond funds like Claymore's CHB so this new fund would only extend the concept. It might be a challenge to define what countries to include since the bond rating agencies' ratings of countries doesn't correspond systematically with countries that pay high yields e.g. Ireland pays quite hefty yields upwards of 8% despite its BBB+ Investment grade rating (see Wikipedia explanation) from Standard & Poors in this list of Credit Ratings by country in Wikipedia. I would propose the "if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, then it is a duck" method of determining what is high-yield.
4. High Dividend Yield Country ETF - Nicknamed "the future will be like the past" fund, this one will invest in the market basket for the highest dividend yield countries. After all, if famous researchers Elroy Dimson, Mike Staunton and Paul Marsh tell us on page 21 in the Credit Suisse Global Investment Returns Yearbook 2011 (my review here) that an evenly balanced portfolio of the equity index for the highest dividend yield countries handily outperformed for 1900 to 2010 and multiple sub-periods within it, what could go wrong?
5. The Liquid ETF - The ETF Stock Encyclopedia lists a whole range of sector ETFs like retail, telecommunications, oil and gas, mining, utilities, pharmaceuticals, biotechnology, the list goes on and on. Why not set a new direction for themes with a fund that invests in the industries that produce liquids, i.e. a combination of water infrastructure, oil and gas, beer and wine producers. There must be excellent diversification potential as companies are likely to have little correlation with one another.
6. The Global Mega ETF - Finance theory tells us that an investor should hold the market portfolio, which consist of a holding in every available asset i.e. stocks and bonds in every country. Has anyone offered such a fund yet? The answer is No. Vanguard has something called the Total World Stock ETF (VT) but even that only includes 49 countries and no bonds at all. There isn't even a bond fund in its arsenal that tracks a total world bond index.
7. The Celebrity Dream ETF - We cannot all look like Angela Jolie (from Top Beautiful Women blog) or Brad Pitt (from Celebrific.com) but maybe we could invest like them. After all, celebs are wont to give us their opinion on politics, social justice, climate change, etc and with such beautiful faces and acting skills, everyone is convinced they are right. And so they will be regarding investments. Markets will follow them! Their stock picks and predictions will be self-fulfilling prophecies. Besides things always turn out fine in Hollywood. We should remember that though markets in the long term are weighing machines, in the short term they are popularity machines, as all technical traders know. Why bother with charts, statistics, patterns, moving averages and the like when we can go to the next step and actually lead the markets where we want to go? The only possible drawback is that celebs don't come cheap and fees may be high, though surely nowhere near as high as what the typical Canadian mutual fund now collects. So the ETF should still be competitive.

How about it, all you ETF providers out there, innovation has to keep moving ahead, n'est-ce pas?